No matter what, I need to hold onto my idealism. It is central to who I am.
It’s good to be home-at-school and feels like I never left. Sophomore year is kicking off much more quietly than freshman year, but I think the calm before everyone returns for a hectic semester will make me appreciate the upcoming bustle of campus life all the more.
Now that I’m actually about to go back, I feel like college was a dream from an alternative universe…does it really exist? Am I really going? :O
I’m a little ambivalent because I was bored of staying home, but now that my free time is running out I’d like to avoid school…except not really, because life is so exciting in the Bubble! But maybe it’s easy to forget your feelings toward something with time and distance, and the negatives come out more in memories than the positives, which is why I’m not all that excited at the moment.
I think it’s also nerves. There is more to be afraid of sophomore year, in my opinion, because all the people aren’t new anymore and you can’t just reinvent yourself at any moment.
That’s okay. New challenges, new joys, and plenty of surprises…
Though not always consciously, I spent too much of freshman year looking for a best friend and a boyfriend.
What I learned is that 1) contrary to what adults say, the kinds of relationships that characterize your life do not abruptly change when you hit college, 2) people’s chemistry with you is not dependent on any alterable element of your proximity, appearance, personality, or attitude, and 3) you can’t control people or the nature of their interactions with you.
But I don’t want to be jaded. I did make many new friends, connecting with more people in a concentrated place than I ever have in my life. And I’m happy to have met and gotten to know every single fellow student, from the belligerent to the incredibly kind, irrespective of how often we speak again in the future. I look forward to seeing everyone again—and I think I’ll feel much better in their midst than I do right now, contemplating the college bubble from afar with not much else to do.
I think I’m ready to approach this year differently. Freshman year was all about meeting new people and expanding my horizons, which I certainly did. What is sophomore year about? Well, some people say strengthening the relationships you’ve already made. Maybe. That would be nice. But if not, I have recently learned to say, “That’s okay too.”
People don’t complete other people; God completes people. In the coming two semesters, I will focus on loving God and loving my neighbors as myself. I admit that I don’t quite know where to start aside from prayer, but I’ll at least orient myself away from idolizing human affection. Strong relationships with people are good, but they shouldn’t occupy the center of my heart or be pursued for their own sake. In growing to know Christ, I hope to overflow with His love toward everyone around me with absolutely no expectations or selfish desires about how they’ll react.
"We love because He first loved us." — 1 John 4:19
It’s September. Only a few days remain before we occupy the same space again.
What will it be like when I see you?